


Where you go I will go, where you stay I will stay

by PerplexinglyParadoxialPerson



Series: Don’t urge me to leave you or turn back from you [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Divergence - Captain America: The First Avenger, Chosen Soulmates, Depressed Steve Rogers, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Steve Rogers, M/M, Marriage, Mental Link, Podfic Welcome, Protective Bucky Barnes, SHIELD’s A+ Parenting, Self-Sacrificing Steve Rogers, Smart Steve Rogers, Soul Bond, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Suicidal Steve Rogers, Super Soldier Serum, Telepathic Bond, Transformative Works Welcome, aka the scene on the Valkyrie, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 18,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22043641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerplexinglyParadoxialPerson/pseuds/PerplexinglyParadoxialPerson
Summary: Steve and Bucky enter into a soulbond with each other, not knowing that it will change the course of history. All they want is to be together till the end of the line, but the line will be a lot longer than they think...
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Don’t urge me to leave you or turn back from you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586707
Comments: 108
Kudos: 226





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome one and all to my first multi-chaptered plotted story! As some of you may know, I haven’t been writing much because one of my stories (this one) was stuck without a beta-reader. However, my Marvel loving uncle looked over some of my stories, and said that he really liked them and thought I would be fine without a beta, so here I am! 
> 
> Please tell me what you think and how I can improve, I really would appreciate the constructive criticism, and if there is a tag or warning that you think I need, please comment!
> 
> Also, I would like to thank capbetafinders, I may not have found a beta there, but if more people used it, the turnover rate for betaing fics might be improved! Capbetafinders is a tumblr page dedicated to connecting beta-readers with Captain America fic writers, please check them out, their doing a great job!
> 
> And last but not least, thank you to everyone who has commented, liked or subscribed on any of my works! Your wonderful and encouraging comments truly brighten my day, and your encouragement has helped me out of my writing slump! Thank you everyone!😘

Sometimes she hated being known as the person to go to for soul bonds. There were so many that thought of them frivolously, something to impress someone, a throwaway ritual. But there were good parts too. When a pair who truly wanted it came by, when she could almost see the love pouring out of them. It was an honour to be the one that tied their souls, and see that love firsthand. 

But this boy, he was certainly one of the first category, having come in without his partner. 

“Get out of here boy” she said “you won’t find what you’re looking for here” 

“What?” He said “so you aren’t the one that binds souls?” 

“I am” she replied “just not for you. Surely there’s a better way to convince your girl to marry you.” 

His face fell at first, but he quickly perked back up. “I’m not here for a reason like that” he said “I’m here because...” He looked cautiously at the closed door but continued. “Because of my best friend. He’s... he’s real sick, his ma just died and I think he’s giving up. It’s just a cold, he’s fought back so much worse sicknesses, but it’s killing him. I need... I need him to know just how much I care for him and need him here. Without him... I don’t know what I’d do.”

She was surprised, it was so rare for her to be that wrong on someone’s motivations for the bond, and usually when someone came in and asked her for a bond with their friend... they weren’t usually just friends. 

“Well” She said “I misjudged you sonny, usually the more casual or impulsive ones come by themselves like you did. You must really love him.” 

He blushed and looked away, but smiled. “Yeah I really do.” 

“Now” she said “some information before I give it to you. The ones I give only work if there is uncoerced consent. If one of you is coerced or forced to do it, it won’t work at all. I’ll tell you the effects and if you still want to do it, then I’ll give it to you. First of all, you can’t be apart for very long, if you’re apart for more than a week or two both of your health will start to decline. If you are apart for a long time you will both die. I’ve heard that it can take from a month or two, to a year and a half. If one of you dies, it tends to take a shorter time for the other to die. There is a mental bond, the closer you are physically, the easier it is to talk and share things is, but you will also share pain and the more intense it is, the easier it is to sense. You will also know what direction to go when searching for the other. Do you still want the bond, even with these disadvantages?” 

“Yeah” he said “he gets in a lot of fights, it would be real useful to know where he is, and if he’s in danger, at all times! But seriously, thank you for this chance.” 

She couldn’t help but smile, “use the bond well if he decides to go through with it.” She gave him the two faintly shiny grey rings. “If he agrees, you must each put a drop of blood on both rings, then wear them on your left ring fingers while you think about the other, and how much you care for the other. The magic will do the rest. You don’t need to wear the rings at all after the bond is complete, but most pairs decide to anyway. Now off you go, and make it quick!” 

“Thank you” he said beaming “but... what about payment?” 

She couldn’t help smiling a bit, “my other magics pay well, and giving a bond to those that would not waste it is payment enough. Now go, you have a bond to offer!” 

“Thanks again!” he said, and bolted out the door


	2. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their souls and minds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your support for this story! I really didn’t expect to get sixteen subscribers on a six hundred word prologue! I love you all, and I hope that you continue to like this story!🥰😘
> 
> I will be posting on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and #Captain America needs a hug will still be posting on Saturdays. Enjoy!

When Bucky burst through the door, Steve was confused. He had thought that the clattering up the stairs was James, the guy who lived above him and always ran up the stairs. Ever since his mother had died and he had gotten sick, Bucky had been sad and let down, but now he was beaming.

“Steve” he panted out, sitting on the edge of the bed “I have something that will help!”

“What is it” Steve croaked.

“I talked to old Ms. Fernandez” he said holding out a small fabric bag “to get the materials for a soul bond”

“What...” Steve wheezed “what on earth is a soul bond?”

“Well” Bucky said, “you remember the stories my ma told me, that I told you, about soulmates? Ms. Fernandez explained it like this, if we did bond we would be able to talk to each other in our minds, know where the other is, and know when the other is hurt!”

“What are the disadvantages” Steve said firmly. Something that powerful had to have at least one major disadvantage.

“Well” Bucky said “the disadvantage is that if we’re apart for too long both of us would start to get sick.”

“How long will it take.”

“Well it takes a week or two for it to start affecting us, but she also said that it would take up to a year for it to get really serious. If you do agree though, I would never let it get close to that long cause, as I said, I’m with you to the end of the line. And what could make us be apart for that long?”

“And if I die” Steve said sharply “then what, you end up dying young just because you thought it would be a good idea to tie yourself to me forever!? No. I’m not letting you bring yourself down like that, there’s no point, the doctors all say I’ll die before I’m twenty anyway, the end of the line is nearly here!”

“Steve!” Bucky said, looking shocked “I love you. I will never expect you to say it back or anything, but that’s why I want the bond, and I want you to know exactly how much. Every time you get sick I hate it so much because I remember just how fragile your body can be and I can’t imagine my life without you by my side! All I want is for you to be safe and happy, and to have you by my side forever. If you’re saying no because you genuinely don’t want it I’ll never ask again, but if you’re saying no because you think you’ll drag me down or something stupid like that... being tied to you for however long we both live is the best fate I could imagine!”

He stopped, panting a bit, tears rolling down his cheeks. All Steve could do was stare, his head spinning with the fever and the devotion in Bucky’s words. ‘I can’t imagine my life without you-have you by my side forever-being tied to you-is the best fate I can imagine.’

“Don’t cry” Bucky said, wiping tears that Steve hadn’t noticed.

“You... you love me” he croaked.

“Yeah” Bucky said, voice hoarse “I really do”

“That sounded a lot like marriage vows you jerk” Steve croaked.

“I guess it does” Bucky said “but I did think this through, this wasn’t just a spur of the moment thing, I know the risks. I want to do this with you.”

He couldn’t stop the tears racing down his cheeks “I... I want that” he whispered hoarsely “I don’t want to ever have to leave you.”

“Thank you” Bucky said “I hope you never regret it.”

“How” he said wiping his tears with a corner of the blanket. “How do we do it?”

Bucky grabbed the fabric bag and dumped two grey metal rings onto the bedspread. “We need to get both of our blood on each ring, then put the ring on our left ring finger and think about each other.”

“We need a pin or something” Steve said sniffling a bit, “make sure it’s clean.”

“Will do” Bucky said, sounding a bit stuffed up himself.

Bucky picked up his empty glass near the bed and walked out of the room. Steve heard some shuffling and the sink running, as he blew his nose. Bucky came through the door with a full glass of water and a needle, and sat on the edge of the bed again. Bucky tried to prick his finger, but his hand wasn’t steady enough. He began to giggle, which set Steve off too, until both of them were laughing so hard that they fell over, and Steve began to cough.

Once Steve had stopped coughing, and they both managed to stop giggling, with a lot of false starts, they both pricked their fingers, which sobered them up.

“I feel like there should be vows” Steve said shyly into the sudden silence.

“Well” Bucky said “we’ve already lived most of them, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer.”

Steve couldn’t help a smile, “till the end of the line right?”

Bucky beamed back at him, they both put on the rings and closed their eyes. Steve thought of how much Bucky did for him, without hesitation or debt owed. And the things he had said! Bucky loved him, and he was pretty sure that he loved Bucky back.

With that thought there was a sudden warmth in his chest that quickly began to grow. It felt like a thread was growing from a spot in his chest, leading to Bucky. He then felt a sudden spike of joy that he quickly realized was not his own. He opened his eyes and saw Bucky staring at him.

He looked radiant.

A soft adoring smile smile on his face, eyes glittering with tears, face flushed with emotion.

He couldn’t stop the tears rolling down his cheeks, the joy, adoration, and love overflowing. He launched himself forwards, almost knocking Bucky over in a hug that was warm and comforting as always, but even better with Bucky’s joy and wonder like a soft warm blanket around his heart. He was giggling, he realized, occasional hiccups coming through as he cried and laughed at the same time. Eventually the laughter stopped, and the crying staggered to a halt. When calmed down a bit he reached for the thread, leading in Bucky’s direction, and as short as the distance between them.

“Come on Steve,” Bucky said, sounding stuffed up. “Let’s get cleaned up.”

“Yeah” he said, basking in the glow of Bucky’s love, “we really should.”


	3. Drafted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And comforted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, but fluffy and sad, chapter this time! I will be posting the next chapter this Tuesday, so stay tuned!
> 
> Also words in single brackets ‘this’ is telepathic speech
> 
> Note:if you haven’t read it, I wrote a short one shot that takes place in between the second chapter and this one. Please read it!

It took a lot of time to adjust to the new bond. The day after they bonded, Bucky had to go to work, and they had both been horrified at the loss of each other’s thoughts and emotions in their heads. They got used to it eventually, and their range grew very gradually, but it was always a relief to go home and properly feel each other again.

+-+

Steve was finishing up a sketch when a sudden burst of fear from Bucky distracted him. It was quickly stifled, but he knew something was wrong. He didn’t want to distract Bucky in case something was really wrong, so he waited, even when Bucky came within speaking range. When Bucky walked in the door with a fake smile on his face, he didn’t hold back.

“What’s wrong Bucky.” He said firmly.

“Nothing” he said “why would you think that anything’s wrong?”

Steve just raised an eyebrow, pulled Bucky in the apartment, and shut the door. ‘I felt the fear.’ He pushed the thought to him, projecting warmth and safety, ‘and given that you weren’t even in range yet...’

‘I don’t...’ Bucky pushed sadly ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

He hung up his coat, and flopped on the sagging couch, ‘but I know that you’d rather know it than not, so I’ll tell you. I... I got drafted.’

“Oh” Steve said out loud. He was pretty sure that that had been what he expected Bucky to say, but it still hit him like a punch to the gut, emotions hitting him in waves. Jealousy, anger, fear and sadness. He flopped onto the couch beside Bucky with a sigh and put his head in his hands.

‘I need to get in the army now’ he pushed dully ‘I need to.’

Bucky sighed, and he could feel sadness and another spike of fear. ‘I wish you didn’t have to.’

They both knew that the reason that Steve had only tried once to join the army was because he knew that Bucky would follow him anywhere, even to war, and Bucky didn’t want to go to war, never wanted to hurt anyone.

But now... ‘I have to Bucky,’ he pushed softly. ‘I can’t let you go alone, I’m with you to the end of the line, remember?’

Bucky smiled sadly and leaned against Steve, ‘let’s eat what you made for supper before it gets cold.’

When they started eating the soup, Bucky pushed. ‘Please don’t get angry at me, but I want you to stay home.’ A spike of anger races through him, but he kept quiet. ‘I know you don’t like the idea, but I just... if you do try, and lie to get yourself in, you could get arrested and if they find out... I... I want someone to come home to, to keep me on track. We could probably make it however long it would take. I don’t want you to get hurt, your body hurts you enough.’

Very suddenly Steve was exhausted, the honest pleading, and Bucky’s love pouring out lessening the anger, and leaving an exhausted sadness behind.

‘Can... can we just go to bed’ he pushed.

‘Sure’ Bucky pushed, sending love.


	4. Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And heartache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter this time! Next chapter will come on Thursday, hope you guys enjoy it! 
> 
> Note:the only experience I have with depression is fanfics, if you have any tips or constructive criticism, please comment!

The day Bucky went to Camp McCoy to train was horrible, the sun may have been shining, with no cloud in the sky, but the usually grey cloud in his mind that had been there since his mother died was black, and thick as molasses. It was the thickest it had been since just after his Ma had died, and before he and Bucky had bonded.

When he woke up, he felt like turning over and just... not going to see Bucky off. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to kiss Bucky goodbye anyway. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, and his limbs were so heavy...

Then Bucky woke up, slowly realizing Steve’s state. ‘Oh Steve,’ Bucky pushed, radiating sadness, ‘of course today would be a bad day.’

All he could manage was a nod and a few tears, but he pushed ‘I don’t want to see you off.’ He felt a sudden jolt of hurt from Bucky, but continued. ‘I just... it’s really bad today and... I don’t want to have to pretend that we’re just friends, not today.’

‘Let’s compromise,’ Bucky pushed, ‘we do our goodbye kiss in here, then take a walk before I have to go. You don’t have to go to the station but you still get some sunshine. I know that sometimes a walk in the sun can help, and it definitely doesn’t hurt. We both know that if I don’t get you out of bed, you won’t get out of bed at all.’

Steve couldn’t help the guilt and sudden tears. ‘Sorry’ he pushed ‘this is a horrible day for you and your stuck taking care of me, I’m so sorry...’

‘It’s fine’ Bucky pushed ‘you know that taking care of people, especially you, makes me happy and... it’ll help me to not worry as much. Don’t feel guilty, I know that the worse it is, the less you can help the tears, I don’t blame you for that.’

Steve couldn’t help the continued tears, but eventually he managed to sit up, and Bucky pulled him to his feet, sat him on the couch, and started banging around near the stove. Time passed vaguely, but he ended up with a warm bowl of oatmeal in his hands, and Bucky beside him in his uniform, with a steaming bowl in his hands.

‘Hey Stevie’ he pushed quietly, radiating warmth, and a quiet love. ‘You need to eat, ok sweetheart?’ Bucky pushed and managed to coax him through eating breakfast and getting dressed.

Bucky pulled Steve into a long kiss, chaste, but he could feel every drop of love and affection Bucky was pushing to him, clearing the fog a bit, and making his muscles a little looser.

Unfortunately the short reprieve quickly ebbed, the fog darkening again. Bucky sighed softly and pulled away, but kept pushing love to him.

Bucky all but hauled him out of their apartment and down the stairs, arm around his shoulders. It did help, not very much, his limbs still like weights, and the fog dark, but the warm oatmeal in his belly, the sunshine on his skin despite the cold, and Bucky, arm around him and shoving love his way constantly kept the fog from drowning him, and his limbs from acting like lead.

+-+

Once they had finished their walk and stopped in front of the apartment, the small bubble of happiness burst with a spike of sadness from Bucky.

Steve pulled him into a hug and pushed ‘you’d better get going.’

Bucky sent sadness and love to him and pushed ‘I’ll have to run so I can get to the train on time, I... I wish I could stay here.’

‘I wish you could too’ Steve pushed, ‘but I’d rather you not go to jail, I love you, and I’ll be with you till the end of the line.’

Bucky pushed ‘I’ll be with you till the end of the line, and I love you too.’ They pulled themselves apart reluctantly, Bucky gave him a joking salute, and started running to the train station. Steve watched for a bit, but when Bucky was out of range he trudged inside the building to flop on his bed.


	5. Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note:minor smut warning! It’s basically just a quick mention of coming, so I didn’t think that it wasn’t enough to tag, but tell me if you do think that I should tag it! I didn’t want to raise the hopes of people for whom smut is a draw, so for them, this is the most intense smut in the whole thing.
> 
> Longer chapter today! Next chapter will be up next Tuesday, so enjoy!

While Bucky was gone he could only feel the occasional faint spike of exhaustion, anger or fear. The ache of not being able to feel Bucky, but for so much longer than he was used to, and the fog that was so much darker than average was terrible, but the first letter had been a relief, hearing Bucky’s voice, even if it wasn’t in his head was nice.

The symptoms were so minor, and they were so common for him, that at first he didn’t even recognize them as symptoms until he looked back. They got bad so slowly that he barely noticed them. He got dizzy more often, he was wheezier than normal, and had trouble falling and staying asleep.

The worst part was the ache, the first symptom. It had started in his chest, like the thread that connected them, tighter than it had ever been, was physically yanking at his body. As it got worse, the rest of his body began to ache as well, the worst of which was horrible headaches. He was very glad for Bucky’s paycheque and his minimal movement comics job. It was still hard to sit in the same position for too long, and getting the comics to the office was a trial, but that had been a problem even before the bond.

Even when Bucky’s oldest sister Becca tended to come around often and fuss over him, he couldn’t help but be a little bit grateful, even though he normally would have fought her on it. The sheer silence in his head was oppressive, and having her around doing her homework and rambling about anything and everything, kept the dark clouds from getting too thick.

He knew that Bucky had probably asked her to come around once in a while, but she had told him once that it was nice to talk about Bucky with someone who still cared for him, even though she might get in trouble if she were found out to be in their apartment by her parents. He couldn’t argue with her about that. (The moment that Bucky’s parents had found out that they were in a relationship, and that they wouldn’t stop being a couple, they had kicked them both out of the house.) She was the only person that would talk to him other than his boss, so he let her come over. The two youngest sisters had been young enough that they couldn’t visit even if they wanted to.

When there were only a week and a half left in Bucky’s training Becca had figured out that he was sick. She hadn’t been able to do much, still being in school, and having to make sure that she wouldn’t get noticed, but it did help to know that someone had his back.

+-+

On the early morning that Bucky was due at the train station he felt so bad that he wasn’t sure that he could get out of bed. His head pounded and throbbed and the ache was worse than ever, like all of his muscles were overworked. He had started throwing up now, his stomach constantly churning, and it made his chest ache, and stomach burn, his stomach ulcers acting up. Yesterday he had told Becca that he wouldn’t be at the train station with him being so sick, and to tell Bucky why he was at home. Sometime when he had been asleep last night Bucky come in range, the thread of their bond now short enough that he could sense how far away he was, instead of going into the distance, the length hidden. And the relief from the looseness of the thread was a relief, the black cloud lighter than usual.

Suddenly he could feel Bucky properly, a quickly rising tide of joy and love. ‘Bucky!’ He pushed, sitting up, and feeling the ache and laboured breathing from Bucky. ‘I’m here Steve’ Bucky pushed. A few minutes later he heard footsteps pounding up the stairs, and the door to the apartment flew open, then crashed closed. Then the door to their room opened quickly, and Bucky tackled him in a hug, gasping for air. The sudden relief made his head spin, but it wasn’t enough-the relief was only in his hands which were touching the skin of Bucky’s neck.

‘Clothes off’ he pushed, and scrabbled for the buttons on Bucky’s uniform, hands shaking. Bucky reached for his pajama pants, and as he yanked them and his boxers off, he felt sparks of relief where Bucky’s hands had brushed his bare skin. Steve managed to pull Bucky’s jacket off without pulling any buttons off, not out of carefulness, but of a lack of strength and shaky hands.

As Bucky unbuttoned his pajama shirt he pulled the tie off and unbuttoned Bucky’s shirt. Once his shirt was off Bucky began to run his hands over Steve’s bare skin, prompting a moan of relief.

But Bucky pushed ‘keep going goddammit’ so he kept going, pulling the shirt sleeves off his arms and started on the pants.

Bucky pulled him so that their chests were pressed together, and they both moaned, relief and pleasure spiking sharply. Steve continued wrestling with Bucky’s pants, made much harder with how close they were, but neither of them had any intention to get any farther than they already were. Once the pants and boxers were down, he wrapped his arms around him, tangled their legs together, and buried his face in Bucky’s throat.

As Bucky pulled him closer and put his face in Steve’s hair, he relaxed. There was still a thrumming under his skin urging him to get even closer, but the frantic energy of getting undressed was ebbing. He thought vaguely of opening himself up for Bucky so they could be even closer, but just the thought of separating enough to get the Vaseline made his gut roil unpleasantly.

Time passed hazily, the world outside muffled by the love and pleasure flowing between them, and with how drunk on the scent and feel of Bucky’s skin he was.

Eventually he realized that their hips were rolling against each other’s, pleasure slowly rising. He figured that they had probably been doing it for a while with how slick the slide was. The pleasure eventually broke, come coating their bellies, but it was minor compared to the overwhelming bliss of being able to touch each other again, and the slow waning of the aches and pains from being apart.

+-+

What eventually pulled them from the haze was the snarl of Bucky’s stomach, with Steve’s quickly following Bucky’s example.

‘What time is it?’ Steve pushed, shaking off the haze.

Bucky looked at the window and pushed, ‘I think it’s late afternoon, we should probably eat something.’

‘Yeah’ Steve pushed and began to untangle their legs.

It seemed impossible to do, but they managed it and walked to the kitchen, Bucky draped over his back, and arms wrapped around him. As he grabbed some bread, cabbage and the last of the chicken to make sandwiches, he felt a small spike of worry from Bucky.

He pushed, ‘Steve... your skinnier then you used to be, are... are you ok?’

‘Mostly’ Steve pushed. ‘I’ve been throwing up a lot lately, my stomach has been really queasy lately, you haven’t had anything like that?’

‘Not really,’ Bucky pushed. ‘I’ve thrown up yeah, but only really after training too hard. My stomach has been queasier lately, but not too bad. Do you think... that because your body and immune system is usually weaker than mine that you get the effects of being apart faster than me?’

‘I guess so’ Steve pushed, pulling them to the bed with their sandwiches. ‘It doesn’t change anything though’ he pushed, sitting on Bucky’s lap on the bed. ‘Besides, people are saying that the war’ll be over by next Christmas.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will soon be posting some meta info that relates to this chapter, so stay tuned!


	6. Forsaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But not forgotten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter taking place during the movie! When I wrote this, all I had to reference was seeing the First Avenger once, and the script. So if anything seems weird, or if a line is wrong... blame the script.

After another rejection, Steve walked into the theatre to distract himself from the failure, when he felt a sudden spike of sadnessangerfear. His stomach dropped. He could only think of one thing that would make Bucky react like that, he’d gotten his orders.

He was angry, why did it have to be Bucky? If God was cruel enough to separate them, then why couldn’t he at least get the chance to be a soldier to watch Bucky’s back.

The only way he could think of to follow Bucky at this point was to dress like a dame and become an army nurse. He was small and slight enough that when he had dressed as a dame to go on a date with Bucky once nobody had noticed. He hadn’t liked it much, but for the chance to have Bucky’s back... it would be bearable. He was pretty knowledgeable about nursing from his mother, and from being sick so often himself.

Once Steve had sat down, a newsreel began to play, but some jerk began to insult the soldiers. Steve got furious, not only was there a crying dame across the aisle who clearly had a fella overseas, but Bucky, his Bucky was going to be over there soon, risking his life to keep this asshole free and safe. If he couldn’t keep Bucky safe in Europe, the least he could do was to challenge this asshole, so he started talking.

Steve started polite, but the more the jerk talked, the angrier he got, until he had enough, got up, and told him “you want to shut up?”

The asshole stood up, much taller than he looked slumped in his seat, and hauled him to the alley outside the theatre. He relished the adrenaline rush that came once the asshole had dropped him, and the feeling of Bucky getting closer.

The jerk punched him in the jaw, sending him into a line of garbage cans, but he got up, and managed to get him in the kidney, but he barely seemed to feel it, and swung again. Steve blocked with a trash can lid, but the guy pulled it away and punched him again. He hit the concrete hard, loosing a second or two, but he got up again, head aching, wiping the blood from his mouth.

He said “I can do this all day” as he felt Bucky come into range, definitely running by now.

The asshole knocked him down again, but before he could hit Steve again, Bucky came up behind him and grabbed his arm, saying “what’s with all the fighting?” The guy spun around, eyes wide, and Bucky said “don’t you know there’s a war on?”

The asshole took a swing, but Bucky punched him first, swung him around, and kicked him on the ass. As the guy ran away, Steve got up, lip split, and head aching.

‘Sometimes I think you like getting punched’ Bucky pushed, sending slight exasperation and fondness to him.

‘I had him on the ropes’ Steve pushed, ‘and I knew you were coming soon anyways.’ As Bucky pulled him up, the enlistment form fell out of his pocket, and Bucky picked it up.

‘How many times is this’ he pushed, reading it, ‘and you’re from Paramus now? It’s still illegal to lie on an enlistment form, and seriously, Jersey? You’re really determined to have my back in this, yeah?’

‘Yeah,’ Steve pushed, ‘I needed to distract myself, and that asshole was talking shit about soldiers in front of a dame who clearly had a fella overseas.’

‘And you too’ Bucky pushed, vaguely amused.

‘Of course’ Steve pushed, ‘but... when are you leaving?’

‘I’m shipping out to England first thing tomorrow-this is my last night.’

‘So where are we going,’ Steve pushed, ‘your too smug to not have a plan for tonight.’

As they walked out of the alley, Bucky whipped out a newspaper from his jacket, handing it to Steve and said “the future.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you on Thursday for the next chapter!


	7. On with the show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To stay safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a bit early today! Enjoy some more altered canon!

By the time that they were supposed to pick Bonnie and Connie up, Bucky had patched Steve up, and they were both clean as a whistle. Bucky had met up with Becca to tell her of his deployment, and they walked to the door of the boarding house.

Steve couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to go on a real date with Bucky, both of them being themselves, and without a pair of dames to cast off suspicion.

Bonnie and Connie may be a couple, but he still felt obligated to at least make a small effort to look like Bonnie’s date, offering her some peanuts. She was polite, but payed the absolute minimal amount of attention to him that she could. It was nice to be able to stand behind Bucky and admire him without anyone being the wiser though.

When the car lifted off the ground, Bucky was distracted enough that he could sneak away to the enlistment tent, if he couldn’t get accepted here then he would focus on trying to become a nurse. He looked at the cutout, but he could barely see his eyes over the collar.

Then Bucky walked up, saying “really Steve, we were going to get chocolate sodas.”

“You go ahead” he said.

“Your really going to do this now?” Bucky said, sending sadness.

“It’s a fair” Steve said, “I’m gonna try my luck.”

“As who?” Bucky asked, “Steve from Ohio? They’ll catch you. Or worse, they’ll actually take you.” He could feel Bucky’s fear, softening the answer he had ready.

“You know why I’m doing it,” he said. “After all the times you’ve had my back, the least you deserve is someone to have your back, while you and all the other soldiers will be in more danger than I ever was. I can do as good as any of them and I’ve got no right to do any less. It’s not about me.”

“Right.” Bucky said “‘cause you’ve got nothing to prove.”

The words hurt, and Bucky pushed ‘sorry, but you do know that I’m right.’

They saw the girls walking up and Bucky turned towards them, but turned back and hugged Steve, saying “Punk” then pushed, ‘I’ll see you at home.’

“Jerk” Steve said, ‘I promise to be home before you know it.’ Bucky saluted him, turned around, and jogged towards the girls.

+-+

The next morning they stayed in bed as long as they could, relishing in their marks on each other’s bodies. Steve knew that he would be limping today, but it was more than worth it. He had been marked by Bucky, and Bucky had been marked by him. If anybody saw Bucky they would know that he was taken by the hickeys on his neck and chest, and the nail marks down his back. He knew that Bucky felt the same about the bruises on Steve’s hips, and the hickeys up his throat.

As they got dressed to head to the station Bucky pushed, ‘I know your up to something, I won’t ask, but promise me that you won’t do anything too stupid, you aren’t allowed to die on me.’

‘Well,’ Steve pushed, ‘your taking all the stupid with you, I’m more worried about you. You aren’t allowed to die either, you know how stupid I get without you around.’

Bucky smiled sadly and pushed ‘till the end of the line. Now we’d better get going or the boat will leave without me.’

The boarding was a blur, Bucky hugging Becca and Steve and running up the gangplank. As Bucky waved from the deck Steve pushed ‘don’t win the war ‘till I get there!’ The last feeling he got before Bucky was to far away to talk to was Bucky’s laughter at what he had said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed! See you next Tuesday!


	8. New growth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And new worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very short, but the next chapter comes on Thursday!
> 
> Warning: minor smut (vague descriptions of masturbation)

Steve worried about how the serum would react to the bond. If it was meant to fix all of his medical issues then, what if, after he got the serum he wasn’t attracted to Bucky anymore, or worse, what if it severed their bond! Even if that happened, he decided, he would at least be able to have Bucky back and help with the war. If it meant that the bond would break, then it would be worth it to keep Bucky safe after all he had done for Steve. Even if somehow he wasn’t attracted to Bucky anymore after the serum, he would still do everything the same, it was the least Bucky deserved, and not being attracted to him anymore wouldn’t stop Steve from loving him.

Fortunately all his worries were unfounded. The bond was strong as ever when he came out of the machine, which was the thing he was most worried about.

As he lay in bed that night, he wondered if he was still attracted to Bucky. He knew that he still loved Bucky, would love him forever, but he needed to check if he was still attracted to him. Just the memory of their last night together was enough to get him hard, which relaxed him. That meant that it wasn’t a sickness if the serum hadn’t cured it!

It was surprising though, before the serum he hadn’t been able to even get hard at all sometimes, and even when he could, it would often take some effort. Unlike Bucky, who could occasionally get hard if he just imagined a situation. They had both figured that Steve’s tough time getting hard was because of his bad blood pressure and probably how sick he often was, and it was proven now. 

After he finished and began basking in the afterglow, he figured out another change from the serum. He was still hard only minutes after coming. Before he had had a hard enough time getting hard at all, so coming was more of a once in a while treat. He was pretty sure that this wasn’t normal though, every once in a while he had been able to make Bucky come twice, it had been more common when they had just begun having sex, but he was pretty sure that Bucky had never gotten hard again this fast. 

Bucky would love this, he thought idly, he had always loved when he had been able to make Steve come. The thought made him stop, would Bucky even be attracted to him like this? He had constantly told Steve how attractive he was when he was small, had lavished praise over his small, skinny, and weak body. He had loved being able to pick up and carry Steve to their bed, even if he didn’t say it very often. Bucky had loved putting his arm over his shoulders in public and keeping it there as long as they could get away with. Bucky had even complimented his scrawny, crooked chest whenever he got the chance. Now Steve was as different as he could get from his old body. He was tall where he used to be short, muscular where he used to be twig thin, shoulders wide where they used to be narrow. He was pretty sure that Bucky would still love him, but would he still be attracted to Steve with how dramatically he had changed? Just thinking about the possibility made him feel sick to his stomach, so he put his clothes back on and pulled up the covers to try to get to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very unwieldy. I have never had experience with a penis before, and I felt like it was worded awkwardly. If anyone has any tips, I would appreciate it!


	9. Clumsiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both physically and emotionally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance for the mini cliffhanger, but the next chapter is coming next Tuesday! Hope you enjoy!😉

The USO shows were harder than Steve expected, he had been confident that even though he hadn’t known how to dance before, with the serum he had figured that he would be really good at it. He wasn’t unfortunately, just learning to move with his new body was hard. 

When he had chased down Erskine's killer he hadn’t even thought about how to do it, the adrenaline blocking everything out but chasing the Hydra agent down. It was only after, once the adrenaline had worn off that he got clumsy. He constantly knocked his head on doorframes, broke pencils trying to write with them, pulled doorknobs off of doors, and had even got his shoulders stuck in a doorway once! 

The showgirls were understanding once he had told them just how much he had changed, and even though he had accidentally broken one of the girl’s femurs just by trying to catch her, most of them still treated him like a little brother. He ended up not dancing at all, being impossible to teach apparently. 

As the weeks went on, the symptoms began to crop up. But what used to be overwhelming was now easy. Instead of trouble getting enough air in addition to athsma and general bad lungs, it was now an occasional shortness of breath, getting worse as time went on, but still comparatively easy. Now the ache in his chest was worse, from the thread of the bond pulled tighter than it ever had been, but without his joints aching from the rheumatic fever that he had gotten when he was young, and the ache in his back from the scoliosis, it was easy. Getting enough sleep had became a trial as well, the longer he was without Bucky, the harder it got to fall and stay asleep, but compared to how much he had needed to sleep before the serum, (at least nine hours a night to make him pleasant to be around) he was doing so much better then he had been before. Even though he had passed the three month mark, he was still doing pretty good, which was a surprise considering that at this point last time he had been almost bedridden.

+-+

When the USO show piled on a boat to England, Steve was giddy with anticipation, soon he would be able to feel Bucky properly again. He would be able to know exactly how far away he was, and maybe they would even get close enough that they could feel each other again!

He spent a surprising amount of the trip over helping with seasickness. He didn’t get sick at all, probably because of the serum, and he was nearly immune to the grossness of throwing up due to sheer exposure to it, mostly his, but others as well. He knew that he needed to keep busy or else it felt like he would vibrate right off the boat with excitement. Steve spent lots of time ferrying buckets to clean, and reading his and Bucky’s tattered copy of The Hobbit to distract and relax the girls. 

He wished that the boat could go faster, but the distractions kept him from going crazy. There was always someone to talk to no matter what time it was, which he was grateful for, given his sporadic sleep schedule due to his excitement, and the effects of being away from Bucky. 

When the shores of England loomed, he began looking at maps. He knew that Bucky was in Italy somewhere, and Steve wanted to know when he could expect to feel him. Unfortunately he had no clue what their range looked like on a maps scale. All he knew was that after about eight hours he hadn’t been able to feel the length of the thread between them. He had no clue how fast the boat had travelled, or even how long the trip was in miles! 

His futile efforts ended when he threw up near the end of the trip. The queasiness had been getting worse, like it had near the end of the three months Bucky had been away at camp McCoy. He knew that he would have to find Bucky fast, with the amount of food that he had to eat to keep up with his new body, throwing it all up could get bad really fast, not to mention how noticeable it would get. If one of the scientists that had tested him just after he got the serum found out that he was sick... The serum made sure that he never got sick, they might take him away from even the possibility of finding Bucky again, and maybe even find out about the bond somehow!

+-+

When they got to England they had a few shows entertaining the people stationed there, mostly new soldiers from the US, but a few injured soldiers waiting to go back home as well. Eventually they got to go to Italy to “keep the troops spirits up.” 

Steve was so happy to be going to where Bucky probably was, but as they got closer he realized that the thread of their bond wasn’t in the direction he thought it would be. Instead of forwards, or slightly to the side, it was to his right, and they weren’t making their way towards it very much. Bucky must have been moved he thought, stomach twisting a bit. It made sense, he hadn’t gotten any letters in a while, even taking the constant moving into account. 

At least he was still getting closer, the thread loosening with every mile, the pain in his chest receding slowly. A couple hours later he could feel exactly how far away he was from Bucky, he was finally in range to send feelings to Bucky properly instead of just the most intense of feelings. He sent as much love as he could manage, feeling a deep seated ache in Bucky, probably the ache of separation, Bucky definitely wasn’t a super soldier. 

As they got closer it got harder to concentrate on the book he was reading. Once he got to where the bond was going to begin tightening up with distance again, he had the sudden urge to just... run towards Bucky. He could probably do it, he had out run a car before. He didn’t know how long he could go at that speed, they had tested him, but they hadn’t been very worried about his stamina. The truck probably would last longer, though there were gas cans in the back in case they ran out of gas. 

If he did do it, then he would be able to hug Bucky again, to hear his voice, both in his head and with his ears. He wondered if Bucky would look different now that his colour vision was fixed, maybe if he just ran... Then the thread began to tighten again, slowly but painfully, taking him farther away from Bucky. He knew that he couldn’t run and find him, Bucky had friends in his unit that he had mentioned in his letters, friends that would protect him, keep him safe until they could see each other again. He could wait, and maybe they would travel to Bucky’s camp too. 

They drove through rest of the night, Steve’s sleep tenuous and fractured, but he managed a good doze once the sun began to rise. 

“Steve?” He heard, “Steve?” 

He startled, blinking awake, and shaking the fog of sleep from his head. “What?” He said, looking at Mary-Anne across from him, “what’s happening?” 

“Well” she said with a smirk, “we’re here and you didn’t even notice that we stopped. You’re usually the first to notice anything.” 

He looked around again and noticed that there wasn’t any body else in the truck. “Oh” he said feeling stupid. “Sorry, I’ll help you guys get the stuff out.” He got out and began unpacking the stage from the truck. 

The camp where they were was out of the range that he could feel how far from Bucky he was, it worried him. When the stage had been unpacked, he went to sit in the truck were the stage had been to spend some time alone. The awful ache and worry from Bucky was exhausting, the fact that it was strong enough to feel was worrying, but he was probably just worried about Steve. 

Then the worry turned to fear, sudden and sharp, it built slowly, and he knew that Bucky was feeling it so much worse. Then there was a pain, on his face, in his head. Like he was getting electrocuted, he could feel it everywhere, but his face and head was burning with pain. Then it stopped, his head spinning, his face burning, and a full body ache. He lay there for a moment, realizing slowly that he had blood running down his face from a split lip. 

He probably hadn’t shouted then, that was good, but if anyone asked, he could say that he had touched a wire that he shouldn’t have. It had definitely felt like it, even if it was dulled by the distance. What had happened to Bucky though? Were the Nazis making traps with electricity somehow? One good thing was that most of the fear and worry was gone, Bucky was probably distracted by fighting now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much longer this time! There will be a map on the meta story if your confused about the direction, distance, etc.


	10. Opening night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Captain America

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: again, when I wrote this, all I had to refer to was the script, and I really didn’t expect it to be as different as it was so... I hope you enjoy anyways?
> 
> Longer chapter this time, and the next update is coming up on Thursday!

Steve was stupid. Of course these soldiers, who had seen death and war first hand, would hate him. He was a “Captain” only through a stage name, had done nothing at all to earn the title, and had only fought in Hollywood scripted battles. 

He heard footsteps, and Peggy’s voice saying, “that was quite a performance.” 

He turned around and stood up, he hadn’t expected to see Peggy here, he thought that she was a spy. “Yeah” he said, exhausted. “I... had to improvise a bit. The crowds I’m used to are a bit more... twelve.” 

She smiled softly at him and said, “I understand that you’re ‘America’s new hope.’” 

Steve sat again and said, “people buy bonds, bonds buy bullets, bullets kill Nazis. Sales rise ten percent in every state I visit.” 

“Is that Senator Brandt I hear?” 

Peggy asked, and Steve replied with, “hey, Phillips was going to stick me in a lab. At least Brandt got me here.” 

“And are those your only options?” Peggy asked, looking at his forgotten drawing. “Lab rat or dancing monkey? You know your meant for more than this.” 

Steve sighed, tugging absently at the bond. “All I dreamed of was coming overseas, being on the front lines, serving my country. I finally get what I wanted... and I’m wearing tights.” 

An ambulance pulls up to unload some wounded, some wounded soldiers walking beside it. He can’t help but think about Bucky in their places, injured and scared. 

Steve says, “looks like they’ve been through hell.” 

“These more than most” Peggy says, looking concerned. 

“Hydra?” Steve asks. 

“Not officially” Peggy says, sounding exhausted. 

“Back home, that’s a yes” Steve said, concerned by the icy tone she was using. 

She looked around, and said, “Schmidt was moving a force through Azzano. Two hundred men went up against him, less than fifty made it back. Your audience contained all that’s left of the 107th. The rest were killed or captured.” 

Peggy's words stuck in his head, the 107th-killed or captured, and Bucky wasn’t here, he was far away being hurt or... tortured. What if... “the 107th?” He asked, maybe, somehow, she was wrong, or he had heard it wrong. 

But she said, “yes, what?” 

His stomach dropped, and he stood, pulling her up with him, saying “come on,” heart in his throat. 

Bucky wasn’t here, but maybe he got deployed elsewhere? He had to make sure that he was right before he stole a truck, so he pulled Peggy to the officers tent. 

As he ran up Phillips said dryly, “well if it isn’t the ‘star-spangled man with a plan.’ What is your plan today?” 

“Azzano.” He said, “I want to see the casualty list.” 

Phillips looked at him sourly, pointing at the insignia on his collar. “You don’t get to give me orders, ‘Captain.’” 

“I don’t need the whole list,” Steve said, trying to be polite. “Just one name. Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th.” 

Phillips said to Peggy, “you and I are going to have a conversation later that you won’t enjoy-“

The impatience was making his heart beat out of his chest, if Phillips didn’t do something soon... “Just tell me if he’s alive sir. B-A-R-“ he said, but Phillips cut him off. 

“Don’t spell at me son.” 

Peggy seemed to sense his desperation and said, “sir, Rogers is only on loan to the USO. Officially, he is still SSR.” 

Phillips stared at him, and impatience made Steve’s hands clench, but he eventually relented, saying “Barnes?” 

Steve nodded, and Phillips picked up a few letters to riffle through. He said “I’ve signed more condolence letters today than I’d care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I’m sorry.” 

Ok, this wasn’t all bad, he knew that Bucky was alive from the bond, so he must have been captured, this was a good thing. “What about the others?” He asked, “you’re planning a rescue mission?” 

“Yeah” Phillips said dryly, “it’s called winning the war.” 

He knew that if he had some help he could rescue Bucky and the rest a lot easier, so he said, “but if you know where they are-“ 

Phillips interrupted, “they’re thirty miles behind the lines. Through some of the most heavily fortified territory in Europe. We’d lose more than we’d save. I don’t expect you to understand, because you’re a chorus girl.” 

“I think I understand pretty well” Steve said, trying to figure out how he could steal a truck. 

“Then understand it somewhere else,” Phillips said dismissively. “If I read the posters right, you’ve got someplace to be in a half-hour.” 

“Yes sir, I do.” Steve said, walking towards the trucks. 

+-+

Peggy was very understanding and somehow managed to convince Howard Stark himself to fly them into the place where Bucky was. The flight was a relief, he quickly got within range of Bucky, the pain from him was constant, but the loosening thread of their bond made the ache in his chest lessen. He focused on Bucky for the whole flight, sending as much love as possible to him. If Bucky had been captured a month ago, what had happened over that time? What small aches that he ignored, had been Bucky’s dampened pain? The show must go on Rogers he told himself, just like the showgirls had taught him. 

As he saw the factory come into view from the dark, guns began firing. Howard swooped and dove, avoiding the guns, but Steve knew that it would be impossible to land the plane with how much gunfire there was. He grabbed a parachute and opened the jump door. 

Peggy said “Rogers, get back here. We’re taking you all the way in!” 

“Once I’m clear, turn around and get out of here!” 

He shouted, but Peggy glared at him, and yelled, “you can’t give me orders!” 

“The hell I can’t,” Steve said, bracing himself in the door. “I’m a captain!” He jumped out of the cabin, and activated the parachute.


	11. Intersection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of super soldiers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just wanted to let you know that if you have any constructive criticism for me, I would really appreciate it! I don’t have a beta, so any advice would be helpful!

Once he got near the building, he could feel Bucky properly, he was probably asleep, hurting, but ok. Getting in the building was pretty easy, they obviously weren’t expecting a single fighter to invade. He made his way through the factory, keeping out of the sight of the guards, and knocking out as many as he could. He used his enhanced senses to know when they were near so he could hide.

Steve made his way to a hall of... cages in the ground. It smelt horrible, piss, sweat, sickness, and the overwhelming scent of what had to be fear. He had smelled it before, but only in small amounts, not the dizzying stench of it in the air in here. He slammed the guard making the rounds to the ground, grabbed his keys, and saw the soldiers start to get up.

“Hi” he said, feeling stupid the moment he said it.

“Who the hell are you supposed to be?” One of the men said.

“I’m... Captain America” Steve said, seeing how they slumped.

He opened the cages one by one, he knew that Bucky wasn’t here, but maybe the soldiers knew. He said “is there anyone else? I’m looking for a sergeant James Barnes.”

The others looked at each other but one said “there’s an isolation ward in the factory, but no ones ever come back from it.”

Steve’s stomach lurched heavily and he had to remind himself that Bucky was alive, if unconscious. He had to find him, so he said “the tree line’s north west, about eighty yards from the gate. Get out fast and give ‘em hell, I’ll meet you guys in the clearing with anybody else I find.” Two hundred escaping prisoners would make a fantastic distraction.

One of the guys said, “wait. You sure you know what your doing?”

“Yeah” Steve said, distracted by the need to run to Bucky. “I’ve knocked out Adolf Hitler over two hundred times,” then ran in the direction the bond was pulling.

+-+

As he ran through the building he saw a squat man in a lab coat run by, holding files to his chest. This was probably someone who had experimented on Bucky!

But getting to Bucky was more important right now, he felt Bucky wake up partially, mumbling numbers under his breath. He went in the room and saw a terrible sight. Bucky was strapped to a chair, looking horribly tattered and wrung out.

He stood there for a second, but Bucky’s eyes fluttered open and he smiled at him, jolting him from his daze. He ran forwards, grabbing the restraints and yanking them off, pushing love into the bond at the same time.

‘Steve?’ Bucky pushed as Steve pulled him up.

‘Yeah’ he pushed back, ‘I almost thought you were dead.’

He could see Bucky finally seeing his new body properly, pushing ‘I thought you were smaller’ at him.

Then he heard an explosion, and as he looked up he saw a map with multiple spots shown behind the lines, important Hydra places probably.

As he shifted to support Bucky on his shoulder he could feel the relief of touching each other, though not as strong as the first time, through all the clothes they had on. He felt a sudden need to tear off Bucky’s clothes and stay here until the need wasn’t as strong, but there were explosions, he needed to stay focused.

‘What happened to you,’ Bucky pushed, trying to keep them on track.

‘I joined the army’ Steve pushed, the slow relief of the constant ache making him almost giddy.

Bucky pushed, ‘did it hurt?’

‘A little bit,’ Steve pushed, trying not to think of it.

He could feel the sudden apprehension from Bucky, who pushed ‘did this happen about a week after I left? Because if it did... I think I felt it.’

Steve felt sick, but before he could say anything they arrived at a catwalk above the factory floor, which was exploding, the source of the sounds they had heard.

They bolted up the stairs and saw two people on the other side of the catwalk. One of them was the scientist that had come from where Bucky was, and as the other one talked he felt a horrible fear from Bucky, who was focused on the two men. A burning anger roared to life in his chest, they had hurt Bucky, made him so afraid, and now they were escaping?!

He lunged forwards, punching the leader in the jaw hard, sending him flying. But he got up quickly, saying “good shot, but not as strong as mine.”

He swung, and Steve blocked it with his shield, but his fist made an imprint in the metal. It clicked, this was the first person that got the serum.

“Erskine said that your experiment was a failure” he said, before Schmidt knocked him down. He felt a spike of fear from Bucky so he shoved Schmidt away with his feet, which made him fly to the other side of the catwalk. The scientist hit a lever that made the catwalk break apart, pulling them away from each other.

When stood up and faced Steve again, his face looked... wrong, a deep red showing around his eyes. He said “a failure? Oh, no, captain. I was his greatest success.” He grabbed under his collar and pulled a mask from his face, showing a deep red skull underneath.

He grinned sharply, and Bucky pushed, ‘you don’t have one of those, do you?’ He was horrified, this was what happened when the serum went wrong.

But Schmidt continued talking, “you’re a liar captain. You pretend to be a simple soldier. But in reality you’re just afraid to admit we’ve left humanity behind. Unlike you I embrace it proudly. Without the masquerade... without the fear.” He turned and walked into the elevator.

Steve felt sick, Schmidt’s horrible words sinking into him, but he managed to say, “then how come your running away?”

As the elevator doors closed Bucky tugged on his arm, the contact relieving aches that he hadn’t even noticed returning in the heat of the moment. ‘Come on’ he pushed, pulling them up another set of stairs. At the top there was only a thin support beam, separating from each other was harder without the anger fuelling him, but Bucky made it to the other side despite the beam falling down.

Bucky looked at him across the gap and pushed ‘there’s got to be a rope or something!’

‘Just get out!’ Steve pushed, knowing that he would never make it over the gap, and besides, he had done what he had set out to do, to save Bucky.

A surge of anger and fear from Bucky, and he pushed, ‘no! Not without you!’

Steve knew in that second that if he stayed here then Bucky would stay with him.

‘Till the end of the line’ Bucky pushed firmly.

He knew that he had little chance of making it over the gap, but he had to try, for Bucky. He bent back the railing, backed up a few steps, took a running start, and leaped. For a few terrifying seconds he thought that he wouldn’t make it, but a explosion from below boosted him up enough that he could grab the edge of the platform.

Bucky grabbed his arms and helped haul him up, relief buzzing through the skin that touched. As they staggered down the stairs he felt a sudden surge of want, but managed to battle it down. Bucky leaned on him heavily as they walked, not because he needed it, but so they could touch as much as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you guys next Tuesday for the next chapter!


	12. Catching up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On each other

Once made it outside and gathered everyone up, he told them the direction they needed to go in and made sure that everyone who needed to was on the tank or the trucks that they stole. A few people had found snacks or lunches in some of the vehicles and the guard stations, so they divided them up as fairly as possible, got people as patched up as they could get with the few medical supplies that they had, and were on their way. Bucky had helped, giving him suggestions as to what they would need to do, like have as much food as possible, and have guards looking out for enemies as they walked. They had stationed themselves at the back so they could “keep an eye out for stragglers” and “catch up.”

One of the groups peeled off from the others, began walking beside them and introduced themselves.

“Barnes” Morita said, “thought you were a goner after you got taken. And you didn’t tell us that you were friends with Captain America.”

“I’m just fine Morita” Bucky said. “And I didn’t know that he was this Captain America guy until he saved me. You know how I told you guys about my best friend Steve? Well this is him, although I’m not sure if he’s my best friend anymore after not even telling me about this in his letters.” His tone was joking, but it still hurt a bit.

“Didn’t you say that he was tiny and sick?” Gabe asked, “because he looks pretty healthy.”

“I was” Steve said, “I’m not sure how much I can tell you, because a lot of it is classified, but until about four months ago I was 5’11, maybe a buck soaking wet, and sickly as anything. I got into a program to become a super soldier, got picked, got injected with the serum, and next thing you know, I’ve got this body, and I can’t really get sick anymore.” Bucky sent reassurance as the others gaped.

“Well” Dum Dum said, “that’s... something.”

Then Bucky got a weird look on his face, “wait,” he said. “So your saying that you entered into an experiment that had only been done once before and failed in at least one way! I’m still not sure whether I was hallucinating Schmidt’s face or not.”

“What made you think you hallucinated?” Monty asked.

“Well” Bucky said, “first of all, they drugged me to the gills, and second of all, the guy who was apparently the first serum recipient pulled off a mask and had a red skull underneath so...”

“It wasn’t a hallucination” Steve said. Bucky’s anger surged again, and he poked Steve in the chest.

“And that means that you took part in an experiment that failed the only time that it was tested! Didn’t you take a second to think for once in your life!”

Jacques said something in French, and Gabe translated it. “He says that we should get going before they start really fighting, it could get messy.” Everyone else made their way to the rest of the group, until it was just him and Bucky.

He could feel the fear in Bucky but in the silence, the urge to stop walking and tear off Bucky’s clothes got harder to ignore, so he began pushing his thoughts to Bucky.

‘Are you sure that you don’t need to ride on one of the trucks? If you were drugged...’

‘I’m fine’ Bucky pushed. ‘I’m not feeling any effects of them anymore, and besides, the only reason I’m leaning on you is so I can touch you more. I can walk perfectly fine, I only have a bit of an ache. I also doubt that I could let you go for more than a few minutes at a time.’

‘If your sure...’ Steve pushed.

‘Can I get the whole story?’ Bucky pushed, ‘I know that there’s a lot that you didn’t tell them.’

‘Yeah’ Steve pushed. ‘So it started at the expo, I went to sign up again, and the doctor stepped in. His name was doctor Erskine and he told me that he knew about the different tries and asked me if I wanted to kill Nazis.’

‘I’m sorry what?’ Bucky pushed.

‘I know! So I said that I didn’t, but they were bullies and I wanted to stop them. It was a test, and he said that we have plenty of strong men fighting, and that what we need is a little guy, then gave me my 1A stamp. The afternoon after that day, I got on a train to camp Leigh and did some basic training there.’

‘How did you not die!’ Bucky pushed, ‘it was hard for me, and I don’t have any medical conditions like you-don’t have any more. Are they all gone?’

‘Everything.’ Steve pushed giddily, ‘my athsma, scoliosis, arrhythmia... almost everything’s gone. But guess what isn’t gone?’

‘What?’ Bucky pushed confused, ‘What do you still have that would make you so happy?’

‘I’m still attracted to you!’ Steve pushed excitedly, ‘the serum was made to fix any sickness that I had, and I’m still queer! That means that it isn’t an illness at all!’

‘Really?’ Bucky pushed, awed, ‘that, that’s amazing! How did you find out?’

Steve blushed, the heat of the memory bringing the urge back to the front of his mind.

‘Training!’ Bucky pushed, trying to steer them both back on track. ‘How did you make it through?’

‘Well’ Steve pushed, ‘it was only a week, so that helped, and it wasn’t all exercise either. There was this one exercise where we were running, and at the mid-point there was this flagpole. They said that the person who got the flag would get a ride back. Everyone else tried to climb the flagpole, but it was too tall and straight to get anywhere. Once they gave up, I pulled the pin from the bottom of the pole, it fell over and I got the flag. I got a ride back to camp with agent Carter.’

‘Agent?’ Bucky pushed, ‘like a spy?’

‘I think so.’ Steve pushed, ‘she was pretty intense, punched a guy in the face for implying that she couldn’t be in charge.’

‘Wait,’ Bucky pushed, ‘there was a dame in charge of a military training camp? She must have been a fierce one.’

‘Yep,’ Steve pushed, ‘knocked the guy completely over, and never let anyone not take her seriously. Anyway, eventually I was the one chosen, and Erskine told me that... it enhances everything about you, that bad became worse, and good became great. He also said that Schmidt took it before it was ready, so with those things combined I guess he became... that.’

‘We’re still going to talk about it,’ Bucky pushed.

‘Yeah’ Steve pushed, ‘I promise. But the next morning agent Carter was in the car that drove me to the lab where I would get the serum. I... really embarrassed myself, said some really stupid things. I must not have insulted her, because she helped me get to the factory so I could save you, but it was still pretty bad.’

‘You always do seem to get tongue tied around pretty dames.’ Bucky pushed, ‘what did you say though?’

‘Well’ Steve pushed, embarrassed, ‘we were driving through Brooklyn and I couldn’t think of anything to say. When we got to our part of it, I just... began rambling so that it wouldn’t be as quiet, and I ended up pointing out places where I got beat up and telling her about it.’

‘Oh no!’ Bucky pushed, ‘that must have been really embarrassing. But you got the serum after that right?’

‘Yeah’ Steve pushed with a mischievous grin on his face. ‘I bet you won’t be able to guess who else was there!’

‘I dunno Stevie,’ Bucky pushed, ‘who was it?’

‘Well...’ Steve pushed, ‘it was Howard Stark.’

Bucky was so surprised that he tripped over his own feet. ‘What!’ He pushed, ‘Howard Stark! Like, made a flying car Howard Stark?’

‘Yep’ Steve pushed smugly, ‘he dropped me off here with his plane. He’s probably at camp right now... want me to introduce you to him?’

‘Really?’ Bucky pushed, ‘you better not be joking, or I might just tackle you into the smelliest and muddiest puddle I can find!’

‘I’m not joking,’ Steve pushed. ‘He’s... kind of crazy, but he helped with the machine that gave me the serum. I stole one of those blue energy things, so maybe he could figure out how they worked. You can come with me when I show him it?’

‘Yeah!’ Bucky pushed, ‘but... wait a second, are you trying to distract me from how much getting the serum hurt? I knew that it happened from across an ocean, don’t try to convince me that it didn’t hurt.’

‘Sorry’ Steve pushed, ‘it’s just... I’d really rather not think about it.’ The memory of the scorching pain, the burn of the serum like fire in his veins...

‘Ok.’ Bucky pushed, ‘What happened after you got all... muscly.’

Steve sighed, dreading reliving it all. ‘There was a Hydra agent in the room, disguised as a photographer. He... he shot Erskine... took off with the remaining serum. Erskine died. I took off after the spy and...’

‘you didn’t know Erskine for very long huh?’ Bucky pushed. Steve shook his head, and Bucky continued in a softer tone. ‘He saw you though. He saw past everything most people get stuck on, saw your bravery, and your stubborn need to do the right thing. He saw skinny Steve Rogers and knew that you could be a hero. No wonder you mourn him so much.’

Steve sniffled, wiping away a few tears, so glad that Bucky got him like nobody else. They walked in silence for a bit, but before long the urges began coming back. The need to tear both their clothes off was not a good idea, so he began pushing thoughts to Bucky to distract them both.

‘So... umm... I chased the spy for a while, but once i finally pinned him down to get him arrested or something, the remaining serum tubes were broken. He... used a cyanide pill so they couldn’t take him in. It felt so... unreal, like that stupid detective pulp you found in the library, or maybe a comic book.’

‘What kind of stunts did you pull?’ Bucky pushed, ‘they must have been pretty crazy to get yourself into the papers!’

‘Well’ Steve pushed, ‘I may have... outrun a taxi, and out swam a sub?’

‘Your kidding!’ Bucky pushed, ‘so you didn’t just get healed, you also got better than most people too?’

‘Yeah’ Steve pushed sheepishly, ‘I’m faster, stronger, and have faster reflexes than any normal person.’

There was a sudden pang of worry from Bucky, who pushed, ‘I guess you don’t need me to finish your fights anymore huh.’

Steve was surprised by the deep sadness that prompted in Bucky, and sent him memories of missing him after the serum, desperate to make sure that Bucky knew exactly how much he was needed. He remembered how it felt to feel useless, a burden on society, the horrible ache of feeling like not enough. He was determined that Bucky would never feel that way if he could possibly help it.

‘You will never not be needed by me’ Steve pushed firmly. ‘Even if the bond somehow went away I would still need you. I would still choose you over anybody else.’

Bucky stayed quiet for a while, stunned, but eventually pushed, ‘you never would have said that before the serum. You never would have let words like that slip out of your mouth.’

‘Yeah’ Steve pushed, ‘I guess... you being gone for so long just... really showed me just how much I need you. I would do something that I never would have been able to do before and want to tell you all about it. Then... you wouldn’t be there to tell, and I couldn’t even tell you in letters because everything was top secret. I just wish that you had been there to help me get used to my new body.’

‘What kind of things did you need help with?’ Bucky pushed, sending memories of skin against skin, being sweaty and aroused. His head spun briefly with blood going to his cock so fast.

He knew that Bucky figured it out when he pushed, ‘well it feels like your circulation issues are gone.’

‘Yeah’ he pushed, ‘I can go more than once now.’ A fierce wave of arousal came from Bucky, who pushed, ‘you need to stop before we get too distracted.’

Steve focused on the people in front of him to calm himself down. He noticed that most of the ones walking were starting to stagger with tiredness. Despite the fact that he could walk for much longer, the others were near the end of their rope. He and Bucky walked up to the last person in the ragged group and told him that they would be stopping to rest, and to pass it on to everyone else. The group began to grind to a halt, sitting against trees, vehicles stopping.

‘We need to set a watch’ Bucky pushed. ‘Make sure that we weren’t followed, especially with how badly everyone is doing.’

Steve organized four watches, with him and Bucky in the last watch. People began curling up in groups, laying on the ground. Bucky pulled him towards the group that he had met before, everyone curled together, they lay down on the edge.

Bucky pushed sadly, ‘well I guess I can’t spoon you anymore.’ Steve almost answered, but before he could, he slipped into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter! But if them talking for so long was boring, please let me know! Next chapter will be coming on Thursday


	13. Returning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To normality

The next day was much the same, except that fighting the need was easier. After Bucky had come home from training, the next morning had been so much easier, and by the end of the day the constant need for touch was gone. Unfortunately the need was still strong, maybe because they had clothes on, and hadn’t been touching head to toe like last time. They were both extremely lucky that they hadn’t been snuck up on, distracted as they were by each other.

When they made it to camp again it was joyful chaos, soldiers crowding them.

The look on Phillips face was priceless, but the soldiers needed medical, so he put aside the snarky comment he wanted to make and said, “colonel, some of these men need medical attention. And... I’d like to surrender myself for disciplinary action.”

Bucky grabbed his arm tightly, but Phillips shook his head and said, “that won’t be necessary.”

Steve was surprised, he had disobeyed direct orders! “Sir, I-“

“Just how many orders do you plan on disobeying Captain?”

“Yes sir” he managed, seeing the respect in Phillips eyes.

Then Peggy walked up and said firmly, “your late.”

He pulled the small, destroyed radio from his pocket and said, “Sorry, couldn’t call my ride.”

She was staring at him, like she was looking inside his brain, as soldiers began to cheer and clap.

He felt a spike of sadness from Bucky, who then said “three cheers for Captain America!”

+-+

Steve and Bucky had barely managed to have the need for each other’s skin to stop before they were separated for debriefing and questioning in London.

He had barely gotten in range to ask Bucky to bring all the people that he wanted on the team to a bar, so he could talk to them all at once. All of them had agreed, which only left Bucky, who was nursing a drink at the bar.

Steve was giddy, they had all agreed, so he asked Bucky, “what about you? You gonna follow Captain America into the jaws of death?”

“Hell no” Bucky said, sending a hint of mischief his way. “That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to not run away from a fight? I’m following him.”

Then he pointed out the poster on the wall and pushed with a smirk, ‘but your keeping the outfit right?’

A wave of heat came over him, but he pulled himself together enough that he could push ‘you know what? It’s kind of growing on me.’

The bar gradually got quieter as Bucky pushed, ‘why don’t we find somewhere that we can be alone babydoll.’

Then they saw Peggy, dressed in a stunning red dress. She said “Captain.”

He stood, brain a bit scrambled, and said “agent Carter.”

“Ma’am” Bucky said, irritation coming from him.

“Howard’s got some equipment for you to try.” Peggy said, “Tomorrow morning?”

“That sounds fine” Steve said, Bucky’s irritation seeping into him.

The noise in the room gradually increased, the team starting to sing again. Peggy said, “I see your crack squad is preparing for duty.”

“You don’t like music” Bucky said, grin sharp.

“I do actually.” Peggy said, eyes sharp on his, “I may even, when this is all over, go dancing.”

Steve’s stomach lurched, feeling sick. If he turned her down... she was definitely smart and determined enough to figure out why.

Luckily, even exhausted as Bucky was, he managed to distract her, saying “then what are we waiting for?”

She looked at him sharply and said “the right partner. 08:00 Captain.” Then turned and walked out.

‘I’m invisible,’ Bucky pushed, sitting down. ‘I’m turning into you.’

Steve got angry and pushed ‘well maybe she has a friend.’

The wave of hurt that caused in Bucky was awful. ‘I’m sorry,’ Bucky pushed. ‘I can’t believe I said that.’

‘I’m sorry too’ Steve pushed softly. I just... wanted you to know how I felt when that happened to me.’

‘God,’ Bucky pushed. ‘It feels a lot worse when your the one feeling it. Like, I knew that you hated it, but... feeling it yourself is different. No wonder you hated all those double dates we went on. I am sorry that I said that, but... she’s obviously really attracted to you. I... I wouldn’t blame you if you would start going out with her. She’s a real classy dame and your type to boot. You’re attracted to her, and you’d be able to go on dates with her, not have to be worried about being arrested or beaten up.’

‘I would never!’ Steve pushed, ‘I am attracted to her, yeah, but I made a promise to you. I may not have said it before, but... to have and to hold. In sickness and in health. Just because I’m healthy now doesn’t mean that I’m letting you go anytime soon. And now... we know that it isn’t a sickness, that it isn’t something to be fixed. And now that I’m Captain America, well, you saw that I was to get a medal, if they did find out, they wouldn’t be able to do much now that I’m the only super soldier on the Allied side. And besides, I heal fast, I’d protect you, promise.’

‘I’m not gonna be able to convince you otherwise’ Bucky pushed wryly.

‘Unless you honestly don’t want me anymore’ Steve pushed, worried.

‘I still want you,’ Bucky pushed. ‘And I should have said it, but I do count it. In sickness and in health, in smaller and in bigger. Now why don’t we find a room to stay in, so I can show you just how much I still want you.’

He sent a memory of them slick with sweat, a wave of lust hit him, and he tossed back his drink.

‘Lets go,’ he pushed.

‘I’ll tell the others’ Bucky pushed with a smirk, ‘why don’t you get calmed down enough to leave.’ He gestured under the table and sauntered off to the tables.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won’t be including much of the war, but if you want some, read my story, An engagement, a conversation, and a wedding! The same things happen in this universe, but plus the soulmate bond, so I didn’t want to write out the same thing, just slightly tweaked.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, next one is coming up next Tuesday!


	14. War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter today, but I couldn’t quite fit it anywhere else so... Posting this early because I’m sick, and I might fall asleep before I can post it if I wait for later.

The war was horrible. Steve finally figured out a disadvantage of having a perfect memory, anything he saw could and would appear in his dreams in perfect clarity. The sights they saw were abominable, and the war wore at them, but some parts of it weren’t all bad.

When the Howlies had found out that they were a couple, and didn’t do anything to them, they had been so happy. The team had even thrown them a wedding of sorts. Peggy had found out about them early on, and had supported them. She liked boys and girls as well, and was glad to know that it wasn’t a sickness like everyone seemed to think. She had pretended to be Steve’s girl to keep attention away from them, and had gotten over her jealousy of Bucky for the most part. Having people that knew and didn’t care was exhilarating, they could kiss in front of them, and even be called ma and pa as a joke.

Even though the battles and the aftermath was horrible, gruesome, and exhausting, being in battle was exhilarating. He could now actually fight those who were hurting people instead of trying, often failing, and then having to wait for Bucky to save him. He would occasionally win fights through surprise and luck before the serum, but now he could win fights with sheer strength.

The bond also bloomed. After so long of being apart, being so close constantly, was like his soul was in cool rain after a Brooklyn heatwave, and fighting with Bucky at his six was a breeze. Any fights he had gotten into with Bucky before the serum were often short lived, most of them running away once they realized that they were outclassed, and rarely was there more than two. In the war however, things were different.

The battles lasted so much longer, and there were so many enemies, that new things began happening with the bond. He got fragments of images that weren’t of anything he was looking at, sounds that were from so much farther then he could hear. Before the serum he had only been able to see memories that Bucky sent to him, but he gradually figured out that he could reach out and use any of Bucky’s senses like they were his own.

For the most part it was accidental and in the heat of battle, only a few fragments. Eventually the Howlies had begun to joke that they both had eyes on the back of their heads! When Steve told Bucky about his theory, Bucky had said that he had gotten a fragment or two, he just hadn’t been able to figure out what it was from. Since Bucky had only recently started to get very weak fragments, they figured that it was probably an acquired skill, and the serum had sped up Steve’s learning speed, so he got it a lot quicker.

The first time they tried it on purpose for a sustained amount of time, was before they left for the alps. They had had a room in a better part of London, with thicker walls, and less people in the rooms around them. They decided to take advantage of it, try everything they could, and experiment with feeling what the other felt. The results of those experiments was feeling very relaxed, and merciless teasing from Peggy and the Howlies about the hickeys and limps they both sported.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Next chapter coming on Thursday!


	15. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, an update on the next story in the series! I’m halfway done the halfway chapter, minus editing, and I wrote one and a half chapters yesterday! The chapters will also be longer and hopefully more consistent in length in the next story. I will be posting it only once a week though, leaving me time to edit everything, but that’s all when this story is done.

Fighting the robot on the train was tough. The armour on the trooper wasn’t even being dented with their bullets.

The troopers arm cannons charged up, and shot at Steve, he had managed to get the shield up in time, but the force of it slammed him into the wall, making him lose his grip on the shield.

The reflected shot also blew a hole in the side of the train. Bucky picked up the shield, but the next shot shoved him out the side of the train.

He could feel Bucky’s fear, but Bucky pushed ‘I’m hanging on the side, I’ll be fine!’

He knew that Bucky was safe as he could be for now, so he slammed the shield into the trooper and ran to the hole.

He climbed along the side, and once he got close enough he shouted, “grab my hand!”

The railing that Bucky had grabbed broke, and he began to fall.

But as Bucky fell he sent Steve love, so much of it, until there was a sudden pain in his left elbow, a pain in his head, and then Bucky was gone.

He felt a horrible emptiness in his mind, his soul, like when Bucky had gone to war, but so much worse.

All he could do was yank desperately on the thread of their bond, feeling it get tighter and tighter, Bucky’s body-god Bucky’s body!-getting farther and farther away.

Bucky was dead, gone forever. He would never see him ever again, never feel his skin again, never hear his voice in his head or ears ever again. Steve would never be able to feel Bucky’s feelings again, never have Bucky fussing over his wounds again, never hear another lecture from Bucky about his recklessness, Bucky would never give him a hug again. Steve would never feel Bucky’s fierce, all encompassing love ever again. Bucky was gone forever, and Steve would only see him in heaven when he died.

+-+

The trip back was a blur, he had pulled himself into the train car and had made it somehow to London, but everything else was blurred.

He had Bucky’s dog tags with him, resting on the table next to him. He had no idea how he had gotten them, but they were further proof that Bucky was dead, as if he had any doubts.

The only thing that had been keeping him aware enough to do things was yanking on the bond. It was still intact, but silent, guiding him to the body of his soulmate. He remembered fragments of a debriefing, trying to tell them what had happened, and ending up running into a room to cry.

Eventually he had dragged himself up from the floor and started walking, trying to distract himself from the emptiness in his soul, and Bucky’s scream echoing in his head. The bombed out bar had been hauntingly familiar, and he realized that it was the bar he had recruited the Howlies in. He found it fitting. The very place that Bucky had promised to follow him, was now a wreck, like Bucky’s body was now.

He stood up and grabbed all the intact bottles he could find, sitting back down at the table and opened up a bottle. Maybe he couldn’t get drunk on the amount of watered down alcohol that he had gotten before, but with this much, maybe he could forget, even for just a little while.

+-+

Once Steve had slept and heard of the results of Zola’s interrogation he got mad. It distracted him from the hollow in his head where Bucky used to be.

He knew that going in the front door of the base was a stupid idea, but he kept expecting Bucky to burst in, scolding him for such a reckless and stupid idea, and help him make a better one. He couldn’t focus properly, tugging at the thread of their bond again and again, expecting an answer. Every time that no answer came he got angrier, a scorching hatred for Zola, Schmidt and Hydra.

When he pulled Phillips aside later to ask if he could make sure that Zola never made it to the States, he hadn’t expected an agreement, and he felt a vicious satisfaction in the way he had promised to off him.

An “accidental” fall into the Atlantic, a long hard fall, a fitting end for the man who had caused Bucky’s fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry. I knew that all of you thought that them being soulmates would stop this from happening, but that is unfortunately not the case.
> 
> Can you tell that I’ve never written action before? I’ll have to do some experimenting to try and improve, that’s for sure.
> 
> Note: for the longest time, I actually thought that Phillips promising to off Zola once they were done with him, was in actual canon. I had only watched CATFA once, and whoever wrote that in had me convinced, so good job to them!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this (or hated it), the next chapter will be up next Tuesday!


	16. Flying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And falling

Steve’s anger fuelled him through the fight, powering through everything so he could get to Schmidt, the founder of this horrible cult, and part of the reason that Bucky was dead. Make sure that he suffered as much as Bucky must have.

Fighting him was gratifying, every punch that he laid on him, every slam into the wall, a release of pressure.

Then Schmidt grabbed the blue cube. It began to shine and shimmer, streaks of light coming from it like the pictures of aurora borealis he had seen, banners of blue light. The cube shone like a tiny star, impossibly bright. Then an image formed above them. A sky full of stars shimmered above them, and then a streak of light went from the cube into the impossible void of space, light crackling around it. Then Schmidt disappeared in a flash of light, the streak of light disappearing with the image of the stars.

The cube dropped, burning a hole through the floor of the plane, Schmidt’s scream still ringing in his ears.

He scrambled to the control deck, blue spots still dancing in his eyes, and turned on the radio. As he talked with Peggy he noticed the map, it was of Manhattan. And with the amount of bombs on this thing... he wrestled with the control stick, but it wouldn’t move.

He could give him the co-ordinates, he might be able to survive the fall, but... the tesseract had to be close. It would be in the sea between the plane and the base, it would be so easy to find. He knew that no matter how well it was protected it would eventually fall into the hands of someone like Schmidt, ambitious and willing to hurt people to get power.

And if he did die... he would be able to see Bucky again. See him, and never let him go ever again. Avoid a long and painful death.

But what if he didn’t go to heaven? Bucky would for sure, his protectiveness and kindness, everything he had done for him before the serum, there was no way he wouldn’t go to heaven. But Steve? He probably wouldn’t deserve it. All the death he had caused, all the lies he had told, all the anger in him, and worst of all, the fact that he hadn’t been able to save Bucky. He had this perfect, impossible body, and he couldn’t use it to save Bucky, his incredible soulmate that deserved so much better than him.

Peggy promised that they would find him, bring home what would be left of him. But he knew that wouldn’t happen, this was the least he deserved, to die alone, from a fall into ice, to never have his body taken home, just like Bucky.

The ship began to dive, Peggy telling him to take her dancing, to come back eventually, he agreed.

It was the least she deserved, to have one nice night after everything that had happened, a little bit of hope.

Then the plane crashed, throwing him against the straps, and knocking him out for a bit. When he regained consciousness it was colder. He pulled the straps off and stood up slowly, body aching. There were holes in the side, showing him an endless sea of ice, snow, and water. Water was seeping through the holes, impossibly cold even with his boots on.

He had been cold in the alps, but this was different. Before, with the movement, his warm suit, and the fact that he always ran hot, he was always at a comfortable temperature. This was the opposite, the eerie stillness sending shivers down his spine, the tears in his suit letting in cold air, and the heat of this body that seemed to have deserted him.

The ice creaked and cracked, making the Valkyrie jolt underneath his feet, sinking slowly into the water. He sat on the ground, facing Bucky, as close as he could be. The water was beginning to seep into his suit, freezing cold, and he lay down, so Bucky was in front of him. Maybe this is what Bucky had felt, this shocking cold taking the breath from his lungs, just waiting to die.

He pulled Bucky’s dog tags from his pocket, and looked at them, then put them back in their pocket. He could see the compass with Peggy's face in it on the floor, watching over him. He put the shield over his chest and prayed. Prayed that Peggy and the Howlies would live good lives, peaceful and long, with lots of children and happiness. He prayed to be reunited with Bucky, maybe this sacrifice would be good enough to let him be allowed to see Bucky again, even just one more time.

The water was rising faster now, the Valkyrie sinking faster. He was scared, he had thought it would be faster, a shattered skull instead of this awful waiting. Would he freeze or drown first?

His skin was starting to burn, heat prickling over his skin.

He tugged on the bond, holding it close.

A wash of water poured into his mouth, so icy that it seemed to freeze his lungs in place, burning at the same time.

He began to cough, deep coughs that shook his whole body like he had pneumonia.

He tried to get it out, but the Valkyrie sank faster, more water pouring into his mouth than he could cough out.

He was facing Bucky, so close to seeing him again.

He stopped coughing, breathing in water, head spinning, body burning with fever. His throat and eyes burned with salt, and the faint light from behind his eyelids went away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry... but it isn’t ending here, there are still two more chapters.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, the next chapter will be up next Thursday!


	17. Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I get to use one of my favourite tags, smart Steve! He’s a master strategist, on top of having a super soldier speed brain, so I like experimenting with it. Some of the leaps of logic may seem crazy, but I have one thing to say for myself... super soldier serum.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

There was a buzzing in his ears. Slowly it resolved itself into a voice saying indecipherable words.

He was lying on something luxuriously soft, wearing a soft shirt and pants.

He opened his eyes, seeing light come through the window but it... was wrong somehow. The air smelt oddly sterile, no scent of antiseptic, blood or mud. Instead there was the smell of scented soap, new plaster, and lots of clean and calm people.

This wasn’t a field hospital, and probably not a normal hospital either. It sounded busy, but it wasn’t the frantically ordered rush of a hospital. No screams of pain, no crying, and the street that should have been outside the window was silent, which could be why the lighting was weird.

He sat up slowly, if there weren’t any street sounds, the buildings outside looked weird, oddly fuzzy, and the light from the window was weird somehow... then whoever had him was trying to make him believe that he was safe. He focused on the radio, quickly realizing that it had been a game that he had seen in ‘41.

The door opened, revealing a young woman. He knew that he had been captured. Everything about the woman was close to what he was used to, but so wrong at the same time. Her hair was all wrong, and the tie was a mans tie. Her bra was odd, like nothing he had ever seen, and her accent was carefully nonexistent.

“Where am I” he said carefully, ready to lunge at her if needed.

“Your in a recovery room in New York City” she said calmly. He knew that wasn’t right, the city outside the window was obviously fake.

“Where am I really” he said sharply, they needed to know that he wasn’t fooled, maybe this was Hydra. Maybe there had been a tracker of some kind in the plane.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand” she said calmly, but the shift in her stance told him that she was ready to attack if necessary.

“The game” he said firmly, “it’s from May 1941, I know cause I was there.” She shifted slightly, hand at her side, ready to grab a weapon.

He stood up, and stalked towards her saying, “I’ll ask you again. Where am I” he heard quiet footsteps outside the door.

“Captain Rogers” she said, oddly calm for how close he was to her.

“Who are you” he said sharply as the door opened. The people that came inside were obviously Hydra, black uniform that covered them from their head to their feet.

He slammed one through the wall easily. It was clear that the wall was temporary, and the “buildings” outside were posters, in a large empty room. It was a set, an act. How deep underground was he?

“Captain Rogers wait!” The woman said sharply, then as he slammed through the doors, she said “all agents code 13. I repeat, all agents code 13.”

The hall was full of people in suits, tall ceilings, and enormous windows. He stopped for a moment, but began running, slamming suits out of the way. They chased him surprisingly quickly, but he managed to get down the stairs and out of the building.

He might be able to disappear into the crowd, so he ran down the street into a large open area.

He stopped.

On the sides of the buildings there were impossibly large moving pictures. Clear and sharp, with dizzyingly vibrant colors, and no projectors in sight.

As he looked around he realized that the clothes on the people in the street were different too. No one was wearing a hat, most of the dames were wearing pants, and the skirts that he did see were extremely short.

The... they must be cars, but they were so different, sleek, and painted in oddly dull colors. As a couple black vehicles surrounded him, he noticed that the smell of the city was off, an impossible mishmash of perfume scents, and a horrible choking scent, almost like car exhaust, but so much stronger, and everywhere.

Then behind him came a voice saying “at ease soldier!” He turned around and saw, in a crowd of suits and guards, a black man, dressed in an eyepatch and a long black trench coat. There... there was no way that this man was Hydra... right? Soldiers were still surrounding him, but... he would listen to him at least.

“Sorry about that little show back there,” the man said. “We thought it best to break it to you slowly.”

“Break what?” Steve said, stomach churning.

“You’ve been asleep Cap” the man said. “For almost seventy years.”

Seventy years? That meant... that meant that he was in the twentieth century. He looked at the street signs, was this... Times Square? He saw the Empire State Building poking above the buildings, this was New York!

“You gonna be ok?” The man questioned, breaking the silence.

“Yeah” he said quietly, “I just... I had a date.”

The guards escorted him to the building, and he thought, if seventy years had passed... if so much had changed... would the Howlies even be alive? Most of them had been in their late twenties to early thirties, and... if it really was seventy years later then... if they weren’t dead, they would be in their nineties. What were the chances that any of them were alive?

He was steered through the endless halls in a daze, then sat in a small room. He was told that he would be given some time to collect himself, then someone would come in to help him acclimate to the new century.

He wondered if there were flying cars now.

A pang hit him. Bucky-Bucky would have loved this, his obsession with science, his love of sci-if pulps and shows-he’d love it. But he would never get to see this future. He noticed a hollowness in his chest, where... where the bond used to be! All that remained of the bond was a hollow place in his chest where the bond used to be, the faintest remains of the thread that tied them. Not only was his head empty of Bucky-his thoughts, his feelings, and his pain-but the thread of the bond wasn’t there either.

The sound of the door opening broke through the thoughts, and he locked thoughts of Bucky away. On with the show, like the showgirls had taught him. A brown haired man stepped into the room, wearing black slacks and a nice shirt.

“It’s an honour to meet you Captain America sir!” He said, eyes wide with awe, like the kids that he met after the USO shows, but... he was an adult?

“Yes” he said “I suppose that you’re the person that’s supposed to be introducing me to the future?”

“Yes sir” the man said excitedly, “I’m John and” he opened the large folder in his hands, “I have a bunch of history to catch you up on.”

John was eager, Steve didn’t pay much attention to him though, with his photographic memory, he could process everything later. Steve’s focus was John, he was flustered, like he was meeting a celebrity. On the USO tour he had been idolized like that by the kids. The adults, (mostly women) had been more focused on his looks, and the wounded soldiers at home had been more derisive of him than anything. During the war, most of their missions had been both secretive and long, so he hadn’t had much time to interact with other soldiers. He wondered if most people would be this excited to see him, or if this one was a history buff and an exception.

John was reading from his sheaf of papers, but stopped and pulled out a small metallic rectangle to “check the time.”

“What is that?” He said, dragging himself up from the daze he had gotten lost in.

“Oh” John said looking bewildered, “it’s a phone.”

“A phone?” Steve asked, “that small? Where’s the numbers? The cord? Do many people have one?”

John turned the phone towards him and tapped the button at the bottom. The screen lit up, displaying a picture of raindrops on glass, and the time. Then John swiped at the screen and it moved, displaying a keypad.

“It reacts when you touch it?” Steve said in awe, “how does it do that?”

“I don’t know” John said, “I’m not a tech.” Then he tapped the numbers 49372 and it opened up, showing a bunch of small tiles of different colors and patterns, against a background of white clouds against a blue sky.

“What are the little tile things?” Steve asked.

“Those are apps” John said, “each one does a different thing, ones a calculator, ones a phone, there’s a camera and a lot of games.”

“All that in that tiny box?” Steve asked, awed, “how do you fit a camera in that?”

“I don’t know how,” John said, “but yeah there’s a camera.” He flipped the phone over and pointed to a small glass bulb on the back, the size of a piece of rice, and a flat glass circle.

John turned the phone over and put it back in his pocket, saying “we should get back to what I’m supposed to be teaching you. I didn’t expect you to be so curious about technology.”

John began to read again, and Steve zoned back out. This was obviously a stereotype, that people from his time didn’t like technology, he felt the sudden urge to say that they had been at the cutting edge of technology during the war thank you very much, he wasn’t stupid.

A bit later his stomach growled, knocking him from his dark daze, and John from his speech. “I... I don’t think many people are allowed to know that you exist yet, so I doubt that you can eat in the cafeteria yet, but I’ll ask.” He pulled out his phone and his fingers flew over the screen, accompanied by a sound almost like typewriter keys clicking.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, daze clinging to him.

“I’m telling Fury that we need food, it’s... like a letter, but on my phone.” There was a loud ding, and John said “ok we’ll get some food dropped off in this room for us.”

They didn’t have to wait for very long before there was a knock on the door. It opened to the lady that had been in the fake recovery room with two trays in her arms.

After they ate, John began talking again, but was shortly interrupted by the black man with the eyepatch, who said, “we have a room for you if you’d like to see it.” “Yes sir” Steve said, starting to hate this room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the fact that the bond is “gone” might be a surprise to all of you, but I have a reason, really, I do! (And it’s not because Bucky is actually dead)
> 
> It kind of corresponds with a real life theory that I thought of a while ago. It goes like this, basically, when someone is in a coma, (or a super soldier is in ice) their soul begins to travel. Their body is fine, and the soul can return to the body at any time, but as time goes on, and the persons soul gets farther away, their soul is less likely to return to their body. This is the reason that I believe is the cause of people being less likely to wake up from a coma, the more time goes by.
> 
> But, the soul isn’t a physical thing, it isn’t something that can be tracked or observed. So, when it isn’t in the body, either dead or in a coma, the other soulmate can’t know the distance or direction that the other persons soul is in, so all they get is where the bond is anchored. For most people, this would be a good indicator of when someone is dead, but on a super soldier that can go into an ice coma... well, it’s easy to see why Steve would think that Bucky is dead.
> 
> Basically, how Steve didn’t realize that Bucky was alive, is that Bucky was unconscious when he hit the ground, sending no thoughts, and that combined with the height of the fall, made Steve think that he was dead. Then, Steve was far enough away, that when Bucky woke up, he couldn’t feel Bucky. I will be posting a missing scene from Bucky’s POV eventually, but not for a while.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! The next one will be coming up next Tuesday!


	18. Being surveilled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And a mission

Steve was steered through the halls to the barracks, and was shown a large room. It had a bed, a small table and chair, a small dresser next to the bed, and two open doors, leading to an empty closet and what looked like a bathroom.

Fury said, “this is an agent apartment, it’s not much, but it’s mostly used for short term residency’s.”

Steve felt the sudden urge to laugh, this had an actual bathroom in the room, and it was called not much?!

“We’ll have someone get you some more clothes, but you should get settled,” Fury said, and walked out the door, closing it behind him.

Steve began to explore, the bathroom had a toilet, a sink, _and_ a shower. There were empty drawers that he had nothing to fill them with, he hadn’t exactly had time to pack his bags for this trip.

He flopped down on the cloud-like bed, but a sudden thought kept him from relaxing. If a camera could be attached to a phone, looking like nothing more than a small piece of glass then... where else were there cameras? He began to scan the room, slowly in case they were watching. He saw a small reflective piece in two corners, near the ceiling, but for all he knew there could be more. Maybe there were voice recorders too, who knew how small those had gotten? If there was the possibility of cameras and microphones though... he needed to act as if there were cameras on him all the time.

Whenever he had gone to glad hand with people, he had always been reminded to act like “Captain America.” Even when he and the Howlies had been filmed during the war, they had all been sternly lectured on what they could and couldn’t say. They needed to be polite, not express “deviant ideals,” and not to swear, which was always the hardest to keep the Howlies to, he kept having to scold them. If he was being watched all the time, if he was expected to be “Captain America” all the time, it would be hard, but as the showgirls had said, the show must go on.

+-+

The next few weeks were awful. Steve had been moved to a cabin in the woods two days after he had woken up. The only person he talked to was a video call with a shrink every day.

The only thing he had to do was read the files. On history, famous people, and his friends. All of them were dead except for Peggy. They had lived long happy lives, getting married, having children, and dying mostly of old age, except for Bucky. Every time he tried absently to tug at the bond, he’d stumble into the spot where it had been anchored, like tripping and falling into a hole.

The longer he was in the cabin, the antsier he got. With the only noises being animal and forest noises, he felt lonelier than ever, sleep felt impossible, and he didn’t even have physical tiredness to make him drop to sleep immediately. He had been used to the noise of New York, but even in the wilderness of Europe there was the Howlies. On watch duty and chatting quietly, or asleep and snoring, it was never the eerie absence of human life in this cabin.

He knew that he had to get cleared by the shrink though. If he wasn’t going to last very long in this century, then he had to do something useful before he got too weak to fight.

He used the time he had to plan a strategy for talking to the shrink. Planning what he would have to say and do to get out of here as soon as possible. It was a lot more interesting and challenging then reading files on history over and over. He knew that with Bucky dead, he wouldn’t last nearly as long as before, with a good four months before he started to get really bad, so he needed to do at least one mission, make waking up here at least a little bit worth it. He needed to get out of the cabin, he knew that they would never call him for a mission if he was here, “recovering.”

The next chance he got, when he saw the shrinks “pleasantly surprised by his progress” face, he asked to move to New York.

+-+

When Steve moved to New York, he stayed inside as often as possible, if he stayed inside, it was easier to keep a level head.

He went to SHIELD every day, getting evaluated on different things. He was lucky that his only symptoms were the constant ache in his chest, minor dizziness, and the beginning of shortness of breath, because an agent called the Black Widow was training him. She won almost all of their fights, even without any kind of serum. He was doing better though, learning new fighting styles, and getting better at fighting her. Training with her was the best part of his day, putting his mind to work on strategy, and the bracing pain of a good fight.

One night, when he was pounding punching bags in the small gym near his apartment, Fury came in.

Apparently he expected Steve to be celebrating, seeing the world, when all of his friends, the world he knew, and his best friend and soulmate were either dead or dying. But he could only think of one reason that Fury would be here, a mission.

He opened up the file and saw a picture of the tesseract. SHIELD had picked it up, and apparently they were surprised when it got stolen. Fury had even asked him if he had any information about it!

He resisted the urge to curse him out for stupidity, but if they wanted Captain America... he couldn’t act like that. “You should have left it in the ocean” he said, hauling the broken punching bag off it’s hook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the curtain comes down! That’s a wrap!
> 
> Thank you everyone for all your support, sweet comments, kudos, and subscriptions! You’ve all been so encouraging, and I love you all! I still can’t believe that seventy people subscribed to this story, (with more that only subscribed to the series)! 
> 
> The next story in this series will be coming soon, with the prologue being posted this Thursday! That will be the last Thursday update though, I will be switching to updates once a week on Tuesdays so I can have enough time to get each chapter as good as I can make it. Keep your eyes out for “your people will be my people, and your God my God” and I hope you enjoyed this story!😘

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is currently in editing, so I will post about twice a week. The next story in this series is being written, but if all goes well, I should be able to start posting once this fic has been completely posted.


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